DMC: "'Twas the Day Before Pesach" by Jan Gars

‘Twas the Day Before Pesach

'Twas the day before Pesach, and all through the shul,

Not a rabbi was stirring, they were at Hebrew school;

In the basement below that my zayde had leased,

My bubbe and tante set a Passover feast.

The yids were all coming! There’s aunt Jo and aunt Sophie,

Then Zelda schlepped in with her mensch, such a trophy.

Cousin Ann couldn’t make it because of a job,

When she started to dress, her nose started to throb.

My sister is making the matzo ball soup,

About fifteen quarts to feed this large group.

Then to the bank, I fly in a flash,

To finance this simcha, we needed more cash!

The herbs and the bitters were put by the sink;

The gefilte fish Jo brought had started to stink.

Shari was gagging until she would wretch

Then she started complaining, oy vey, what a kvetch.

Aunt Margie said Milty, the family sinner,

Had chutzpah by bringing a shiksa to dinner.

Uncle Brucey is dancing and doing his schtick,

While cussing in Yiddish and twirling his stick.

The sun’s going down and it’s time for the Seder,

But Murry’s not here, is he coming later?

Then there’s a clatter outside of the door,

And out of a Caddy steps Murray and four.

Now Shlomo, now Moisha, now Sara, now Irv,

Der tate oysn oyg, stepping off of the curve;

Shlomo has macaroons, Mo’s in magenta,

Sara “the kibitz”– she’s such a yenta.

Then there is Murry, a jolly soul he,

Twinkling eyes and plump as can be;

He had a round face and a belly that shook,

Mogen David in one hand and the other, a Nook.

He sat at the table and started to read.

The Nook was in Hebrew, “now follow my lead.”

A modernized Jew, I think it’s an omen,

But where has he hidden this year’s Afikomen?

“The meshugganah pharaoh would not let us leave,

Then God told old Moses he had to believe;

So ten plagues were given the ancient Egyptians.”

Mazel tov Moses for your Bible inscriptions!

We pray and we eat the unleavened breads,

With kosher tradition embossed in our heads.

Then he made a toast, as he took his last bite:

"L’chaim to all, and to all a good night!"

GLOSSARY: 

Afikomen: a piece of matzo that's traditionally hidden

bubbe: grandma

Caddy: Cadillac

chutzpah: a lot of nerve

"Der tate oysn oyg": Just like his father

gefilte fish: a jellied type of fish 

kibitz: gossip

kosher: adhering to Jewish culinary laws

"L'chaim": "To life" (good wishes for well-being)

matzo: unleavened bread

Mazel tov: an expression of congratulations

mensch: a decent and honorable person

meshugganah: off-kilter or crazy

Mogen David: Star of David

"oy vey, what a kvetch": "woe is me, what a complainer"

Pesach: Passover

schlepped: dragged

schtick: an attention-getting gimmick or act

Seder: ceremonial Passover dinner

shiksa: a derogatory term for a non-Jewish female

shul: Jewish temple

simcha: celebration

tante: aunt

yenta: a woman who is a gossip or busybody

yid: slang for a Yiddish person

zayde: grandpa


Tamera Will Wissinger has challenged us to come up with a parody or tribute poem this month.  (Click HERE for details.) If you would like to join in the fun, send your poem to TodaysLittleDitty (at) gmail (dot) com or use the contact form in the sidebar to the right.

All participants will be rounded up on July 25th 

and entered to win a copy of Tamera's delightful new picture book, 

THIS OLD BAND.