I'd like to have those ears that flap, to cool my body down. 'Cause when it's hot and sticky, I'm not fun to be around. My brother, he can wiggle his, but mine won't move at all. Maybe you can teach me on my zoo field trip this fall?
David Elliott has challenged us to write a letter poem this month. I'm still looking for a few more to feature as this week's daily ditties! Click HERE for details on how to participate.
RSVP with your poem to TodaysLittleDitty (at) gmail (dot) com,
or use the contact form in the sidebar to the right. All contributions
will be included in a wrap-up celebration this Friday, February 27th, and one
lucky participant will win a personalized copy of David's delightful new collection of bird poetry:
Are you plagued by shuffling shambling igor-meter?
Does your gorgeous waltzing verse feel more like this …
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Time to join the Rhyme Crime investigators. We’re on a mission to pick a meter and make it stick!
This post we’ll be identifying and incarcerating a serious offender:
In the last Rhyme Crime post we talked about choosing the perfect meter for your rhyming story. If you missed it, you can sneak back and review that post HERE. Now we’re ready to tackle some of the criminals who may be lurking inside your otherwise outstanding verse.
She may look innocent, but “Nearly Nellie” is one of the most prolific rhyme crime offenders. She pops up in everything from picture books to Broadway lyrics. Her dastardly deeds fall under a lot of aliases: near rhyme, close rhyme, slant rhyme, imperfect rhyme, or oblique rhyme. (Oblique, really?)
The one thing all those aliases have in common is the word ‘rhyme’, which is a bit of a misnomer. Sure we sing them along with Pharell or Meghan Trainor. And we skim right over them on Hallmark cards. But for those of us writing in rhyme, especially for younger children, the standard is this: if your first grade teacher would mark you down for saying two words rhyme, then so will an editor.
In other words, near rhymes aren’t rhymes at all.
Let’s look at a few examples:
"Buy me a Rose" by Kenny Rogers
Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Yes, indeed they both have a similar vowel sound 'ur'. But –ORK and –URT don’t rhyme. Remember those rhyming worksheets your teacher used to hand out? This is like rhyming FORK with SHIRT – and would earn you a big red X.
"Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler/Kenny Rogers
You've been content to let me shine
You always walked a step behind
Again, we’ve got a similar vowel sound “eyen” in the IN – but the properly pronounced D in "behind" disqualifies this as a rhyme.
Let’s see if you can spot this one yourself:
"The Keeper Of The Stars" by Tracy Byrd
I tip my hat... to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin' when he joined these two hearts
Got it? Good!
Now just for fun, let’s do one that will cause some disagreement.
“Africa” by Toto.
The wild dogs cry out in the night,
As they grow restless, longing for some solitary company.
I know that I must do what's right,
As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti.
Now half of the critics out there will be happy with this pair. They both end with “EEE” as the last sound. And they reason we rhyme lots of words based on that, like bee and see and tree, etc.
But in the opinion of others (like my own poetry professors), company and Serengeti do NOT rhyme. They take the last two syllables as a “double-rhyme”, so thus: kum-PAN-EE and sair-en-GET-EE.
Near rhyme or not? Can’t we all just get along and sing?
Okay, back to business. A lot of you are looking at the examples above and thinking: “Hang on, my favorite writer (insert famous name here) does that – look right here, there’s a close rhyme, in his/her latest published book!”
To which I will answer: Yep, it happens. Sometimes the writer breaks the rules to keep the story working. Sometimes they break the rules because there is no other perfect rhyme. And sometimes they get to break the rules because they are (insert famous name here) and they’ve got a dozen bestselling picture books.
And here’s the real world truth: until you get several successful books under your belt, you’re going to be held to stricter standards. An editor viewing your work for the first time won’t know if you’re using a close rhyme because it’s the best rhyme possible, or if it’s because you don’t know any better. There’s no need to risk that bad connotation when, with some hard work, you can fix it.
Yes, I do mean hard work. In my first picture book, the main character’s last name started out as Higgins. I meant that to rhyme with riggings like you find on a boat (since she was a pirate). But there were two problems right from the start – first of all rigging is plural without an s. So when using the word in a grammatically correct way, I would have to rhyme Higgins with rigging. INS doesn’t rhyme with ING. FAIL. Worse yet, even if I dropped the s from Higgins, I would be rhyming Higgin with rigging. IN and ING don’t rhyme either. I had myself two close rhymes packed into the same couplet. So after toying with around thirty other last names, I landed on Barrett which rhymed with parrot. Phew. Hard work? Let me tell you.
If you’ve got a rhyming piece you’re working on, do a quick scan of the stanzas. Any Nearly Nellies lurking? Take the time to fix them now, before they sink your next opportunity.
How? See if one of these options can come to your rescue:
Search for your word’s “better half”
In each pair of rhyming words there’s usually one that’s the “star.” This is the word that your plot or your imagery can’t do without. Toss the weaker word out and go consult a good rhyming dictionary. Maybe you’ve missed a workable pair, something you never thought of. Can you compare your derrière to a Frigidaire … oh wait, that’s my poetry mirror I’m looking in. (grin)
Try a “close cousin” word
Maybe your star word has a synonym you can replace it with: trade boat for ship, mug for cup, bonnet for nightcap. Yes, this will require a rewrite of both lines, but in the end you’ll have strengthened your rhyme.
Turn it inside out
Move that star word to the inside of the phrase instead of the end of your line. For example if your current line is “Would could use a silver lining?” try morphing it into “Need a lining – make it silver!” or “Silver linings – come and get one …” or a dozen better phrases I’m sure you’ve already thought of.
The "Ask a Friend" lifeline
There are times that the answer is right there, under your nose, but you’re too close to see it. Ask a trusted writer friend how they would fix the problem. A fresh pair of eyes, and a fresh mind, can sometimes point out an easy fix if we’re smart enough to just ask.
Take a deep breath and toss it
Sometimes, if it can’t be fixed, you’re faced with chucking it and rewriting the couplet or stanza from scratch. It can be frustrating and painful, especially if the phrases in question are key to your plot/image. This is where you need to be an honest judge of what can and can’t be fixed. Don’t be lazy. Your poetry will suffer if you consistently settle for second best.
And on the other hand…
At some point you reach the point that a story/poem will only suffer if you tinker with it. Your heart tells you it’s time to leave it be. Trust yourself. You’ve done the hard work. Now let the verse speak for itself.
Phew. Time for a pat on the back. Chasing down Nearly Nellie is tough work, but your reward will be stronger verse set to impress any editor.
Thanks for joining us for another Rhyme Crime investigation.
And thank YOU, Carrie, for continuing to bring your
rhyming expertise to Today's Little Ditty!
Carrie Clickard is an internationally published author
and poet whose career also spans graphic design, illustration and
film. Her first picture book, VICTRICIA MALICIA, debuted in 2012 from
Flashlight Press. Forthcoming books are MAGIC FOR SALE (Holiday House, 2016) and THOMAS JEFFERSON & THE MAMMOTH HUNT (Simon and Schuster, 2017). Her poetry and short stories have appeared in numerous
anthologies and periodicals including Spider, Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine, Clubhouse, Spellbound, Penumbra, Haiku of the Dead, Underneath the Juniper Tree, Inchoate Echoes, and The Brisling Tide.
Would you believe there's only ONE WEEK LEFT to submit your letter poem for David Elliott's DMC challenge? My mailbox and I eagerly await your contributions! This week I featured poems by Michelle Kogan and Jan Gars.
Today's Poetry Friday roundup is being hosted by the generous and talented Linda Baie. You can find her shining her light over at TeacherDance.
Earth's horizon as the Sun sets over the Pacific Ocean (NASA)
I'm taking advantage of a lull in letter poems to share my first attempt at a pantoum. I was inspired to write one for two reasons: first and foremost, to honor my friend Jan Gars whose untimely death has left me shocked and saddened; and secondly, to participate in Laura Shovan's month-long challenge to write poetry based on sound clip prompts. For a full description of Laura's project and how to participate, please visit her blog, Author Amok. Laura was kind enough to include my recommendation of this video – a sampling of electromagnetic vibrations recorded by NASA Voyager:
Night Whispers for Jan Gars
Whispers from the shadowed night Lonely winds of time and space One more poem yet to write Trapped in gravity’s embrace
Lonely winds of time and space Glowing embers, pulsing light Trapped in gravity’s embrace Before the blackness turns to white
Glowing embers, pulsing light, Like eyes behind a clouded face Before the blackness turns to white Before you find your resting place
Like eyes behind a clouded face There’s one more poem yet to write Before you find your resting place And whisper from the shadowed night.
Many of you will recognize Jan's name as a regular DMC participant. I'm sorry to say, this is the last month he will be contributing to these challenges as he passed away last Friday from a massive heart attack. From his obituary:
Jan was a jack of all trades and a true renaissance man/ MacGyver as he was called by his children. He was a lover of both plants and animals, owned a working farm and was cultivating his own orchard. His veterinary practice, Oak Ridge Animal Hospital, served the Ocala, Florida community for 35 years. He has always been a lover of the arts. In the 1990s he hand-made dolls and sold them at art shows. He has always been a painter and poet and in recent years he also started writing children's books including The Enchanted Rocking Horse: A Collection of Childhood Dreams.
Jan was a good friend. I will surely miss his kind spirit, lively sense of humor, and beautiful way with words. Please keep his family in your thoughts and prayers. ~Michelle
Hello Mr. Snail,
Are you hiding in your shell? Or, dwelling in the garden The place you love so well.
Your skin is very slimy, Antennae on your head. Gliding ‘cross the mucous On leaves of green and red.
Beware the lurking robin Or a feast you’ll be. Stay tucked within the foliage Deep within the tree.
But if you choose to crawl, Please hurry as you go. Advice from your good friend.
David Elliott has challenged us to write a letter poem this month. Click HERE for details.
RSVP with your poem to TodaysLittleDitty (at) gmail (dot) com,
or use the contact form in the sidebar to the right. All contributions
will be included in a wrap-up celebration on February 27th, and one
lucky participant will win a personalized copy of David's delightful new collection of bird poetry:
David Elliott has challenged us to write a letter poem this month. Click HERE for details.
RSVP with your poem to TodaysLittleDitty (at) gmail (dot) com,
or use the contact form in the sidebar to the right. All contributions
will be included in a wrap-up celebration on February 27th, and one
lucky participant will win a personalized copy of David's delightful new collection of bird poetry:
It's almost Valentine's Day for goodness sake. How bad could it be?
No silly Friday the 13th superstition is going to interfere with my romantic Valentine's celebration.
Besides, we have limerick master Neal Levin here with us today. He's won the Saturday Evening Post Limerick Laughs contest EIGHT (!) times – 4 times as a first place winner and 4 times as a runner-up. I have full trust in Neal's good taste and limerick-writing ability.
Take it away, Neal....
DINNER WITH THE CANNIBALS By Neal Levin
We hope that this doesn't unnerve you, But really, we'd love to reserve you A place at our table. So come, if you're able. We'd truly be happy to serve you.
"Tastes like chicken."
GAH!
I should've known.
Neal is a Michigan-based writer/illustrator/cartoonist, and a leading cause of giggling in children nationwide, thanks to his generous talent for writing humorous children's poetry. His poems have appeared in several anthologies published by Meadowbrook Press, including Rolling In the Aisles, Dinner With Dracula, I've Been Burping In the Classroom, My Teacher's In Detention, and I Hope I Don't Strike Out, as well as a variety of national magazines and educational publications. Neal has also taught cartooning workshops to tens of thousands of students in the metropolitan Detroit area and creative writing classes at Camp Walden, a summer camp in northern Michigan. By sheer luck, I was honored to have him illustrate my poem "George Nissen, Boy Inventor" in Boys' Quest magazine last year. Visit Neal as his website: NealLevin.com
Thank you for being my guest in Limerick Alley today, Neal!
You are cordially invited to dinner at my house anytime... provided you leave your cannibal friends at home.
