Renée LaTulippe – Mood, Effect, and Emotion: Sentence Transformation

Photo: M. H. Barnes

All aboard!!!

Renée LaTulippe's Lyrical Language Express is about to leave the station, and trust me, you don't want to miss it!

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Mood, Effect, and Emotion: Sentence Transformation

In my last lyrical language post, “Sound Bites: Making Writing Musical,” we looked at the properties of sounds in the English language and how we can use them to enhance our writing. In this post, we’re going to put those ideas into practice with a little writing exercise. 

A heightened awareness of sound and the knowledge of how to use sounds in your writing has several benefits:

1. Style: It takes your writing from humdrum to engaging.
2. Tone: It helps you set the tone of your poem or story from the very first line.
3. Mood/Emotion: It helps you elicit specific emotions or reactions in your reader.
4. Scene: It helps you show setting or character without "telling."
5. Pacing: It gives you more control over the dynamics and pacing of your writing (when and where to change tone, mood, or pacing, for example).

Let's look at those five points a bit closer. Suppose I want to write a story about a train. I start with this first line:

Photo: Wikimedia Commons, Geof Sheppard

1. Style: This humdrum sentence uses everyday language that doesn't engage. There is no craft to it.
2. Tone: No particular tone has been set. I'm not sure what to expect.
3. Mood/Emotion: I have no emotional reaction to this sentence.
4. Scene: It tells me nothing about the character or setting.
5. Pacing: The sentence is neutral in terms of pacing.

Using sound devices, I could put several different spins on the train idea.

Photo: Wikimedia Commons, Albert Jankowski (public domain)

1. Style: The language is engaging and fun to say out loud.
2. Tone: The tone is light-hearted. The consonance on the CK and T and the assonance on the short I create an upbeat rhythm.
3. Mood/Emotion: The train seems happy and therefore elicits a feeling of happiness and excitement in me.
4. Scene: I can feel the jaunty movement of the bouncing train. The word rickety and the way the train moves makes me think he's not in the best repair but that he's okay with his lot in life. I know he's on an old track, which is also rickety, so I have some clue to setting.
5. Pacing: The CK, T, and short I are sounds that are spoken quickly and naturally speed up the pacing. The sentence forces me to read it quickly.

Since not all sounds have the same properties or produce the same effects, I could focus the assonance and consonance on different letters and see what happens.

Photo: Flikr Creative Commons, David Spigolon

1. Style: The language is engaging and fun to say out loud.
2. Tone: The tone is heavier. The assonance on the short U combined with the consonance on the DGE and G sounds weigh this sentence down. The line is broken up a bit by the two short A-CK sounds in the slant rhyme fractured track, which is not a soothing phrase at all.
3. Mood/Emotion: Gus the train seems sad or tired. I might worry a bit and wonder why he feels this way. I hope he'll find a happy ending or a good night's sleep wherever he is going. (And if he does, the writer will need to pay attention to the sounds as the story goes from heavy and sad to light and happy.)
4. Scene: The character is clearly down in the dumps and is leaving a town. Is it his home? The track is broken. Maybe the town is run-down too? Maybe there's no work left? Maybe he's leaving loved ones behind as he goes in search of new possibilities?
5. Pacing: The short U, DGE, G, CH, and even the TR are heavier in the mouth and spoken more slowly, so the pacing is slower in this version.

This story could also take a lyrical turn by playing more with assonance, alliteration, and voiced sounds.

Photo: Wikimedia Commons, Geof Sheppard

1. Style: The language is musical and pleasing to say out loud.
2. Tone: The tone is pensive. The assonance on the long O and OO sounds combines with the consonance on the voiced M and N to create a moan that lingers throughout the sentence and conveys a mournful mood. I would expect this to be a sad story, too, though completely different in tone and style than the story about Gus.
3. Mood/Emotion: Rather than make me sad, all those mournful sounds make me curious and suspenseful. This could even be a scary story.
4. Scene: I'm not sure if the character is the locomotive or the night or the shadows or the moon or none of the above, but I would like to find out. Since there are shadows and moonlight, I picture this train going through the woods. I may be wrong, but the phrase at least puts images in my head.
5. Pacing: The assonance on the long O and OO sounds gives the phrase a languid pace and encourages the reader to linger over the sentence.

The number of transformations this sentence could undergo to create different effects is limited only by our imagination. But I hope these three examples will give you a good idea of how we can choose and manipulate specific sounds to add music to our poetry and prose.

Of course, diction (word choice) plays a significant role in these transformations as well, and we'll be talking about that in a later post. But sound and diction go hand in hand as we must consider sound when choosing which words to use.

Give it a try!

Take the first sentence in a work in progress or a line from a poem and put it through the transformation test. Or use this sentence: Birds took to the sky and flew south for the winter. Feel free to share your transformations in the comments.

In the next lyrical language post, a flock of dodo birds will show us how to manage our stress(ed beats). Until then, happy writing!


© 2014 Renée M. LaTulippe. This article is partially excerpted from a lesson in the online course The Lyrical Language Lab: Punching Up Prose with Poetry. All rights reserved.

An editor and writer, Renée LaTulippe has co-authored nine early readers and a collection of poetry titled Lizard Lou: a collection of rhymes old and new (Moonbeam Children’s Book Award) and has poems in several editions of The Poetry Friday Anthology. She developed and teaches the online course The Lyrical Language Lab: Punching Up Prose with Poetry and blogs on children’s poetry at NoWaterRiver.com.

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If you read last week's spotlight interview with Bob Raczka, you know that he's challenged us to write monster-inspired haiku this month.  This week's daily ditties included haiku by Tabatha Yeatts, Joyce Ray, and Donna Smith. Stay tuned... there's more to come!

I'm also delighted to share some good news. I've had two poems selected for The Poetry Friday Anthology for Celebrations (Pomelo Books), edited by Sylvia Vardell and Janet Wong. Keep your eyes peeled for this newest edition of the Poetry Friday Anthology series coming in April 2015.

Poetry Friday is being hosted today by Keri Collins Lewis at Keri Recommends.  Please join her as she pays tribute to someone very special.

DMC: "Black Cat at Night" by Donna Smith

Black Cat at Night

fall night of shadow
chases black < cat > black chases
shadow of night fall

© 2014 Donna JT Smith. All rights reserved.

Bob Raczka has challenged us to write a monster-inspired haiku this month.  Click HERE for details.

To add your haiku to the monster mayhem, send it to TodaysLittleDitty (at) gmail (dot) com, or use the contact form in the sidebar to the right. All submissions will be included in the wrap-up celebration on November 28th, and one lucky participant will win a personalized copy of Bob's delightful new haiku collection:

DMC: "hollow eyes, grave grin" by Joyce Ray

hollow eyes, grave grin
click, clatter, rattle—
bony escapee

© 2014 Joyce Ray. All rights reserved.

Bob Raczka has challenged us to write a monster-inspired haiku this month.  Click HERE for details.

To add your haiku to the monster mayhem, send it to TodaysLittleDitty (at) gmail (dot) com, or use the contact form in the sidebar to the right. All submissions will be included in the wrap-up celebration on November 28th, and one lucky participant will win a personalized copy of Bob's delightful new haiku collection:

Two Line Tuesday: Bertrand Russell

War does not determine who is right –

only who is left.

                                                           – Bertrand Russell



With thanks to those who have served and sacrificed with honor.   -MHB

DMC: "labyrinth at dusk" by Tabatha Yeatts

labyrinth at dusk
as darkness falls, escape dims
minotaur awaits

© 2014 Tabatha Yeatts. All rights reserved.

Bob Raczka has challenged us to write a monster-inspired haiku this month.  Click HERE for details.

To add your haiku to the monster mayhem, send it to TodaysLittleDitty (at) gmail (dot) com, or use the contact form in the sidebar to the right. All submissions will be included in the wrap-up celebration on November 28th, and one lucky participant will win a personalized copy of Bob's delightful new haiku collection:

Spotlight on Bob Raczka + DMC Challenge

BOB RACZKA

Author of the popular art appreciation series, Bob Raczka’s Art Adventures, Chicagoan Bob Raczka studied art in college. He has worked as an advertising writer for more than 25 years. A few years ago he discovered poetry, and now Bob is a children’s poet as well. His first poetry effort, Guyku: A Year of Haiku for Boys, was awarded the Claudia Lewis Award by Bank Street College. His second poetry book, Lemonade: And Other Poems Squeezed from a Single Word, was named both an ALA and an NCTE Notable. Bob’s most recent titles include Joy in Mudville, a sequel to "Casey at the Bat," and a holiday haiku collection called Santa Clauses: Short Poems from the North Pole.  For more information about Bob, his books, or to visit his brand spankin' new blog, visit www.bobraczka.com.


It's my pleasure to welcome you to Today's Little Ditty, Bob!

Let's talk a little more about that newest haiku collection, shall we?

Santa Clauses: Short Poems from the North Pole
Carolrhoda Books, September 2014
ISBN: 978-1467718059
Find at Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble,
or at your local independent bookstore.

   I LOVE this book. 

Do not take that statement lightly. As holiday-themed books go, I am generally not a big fan. They sort of roll together into one big much-of-a-muchness pile for me.  But not this one– oh no.  This one is fresh, fun, delightful, and will take its rightful place alongside The Night Before Christmas as a Barnes family storybook tradition.

One aspect that I particularly like about this book of 25 short poems is that it can be read with children like an Advent calendar, one poem each day leading up to Christmas. It lends itself beautifully to the magic and anticipation of the season.



Santa Clauses opens with a typewritten note:

Santa is a man of many talents. He's a 
toymaker, a reindeer trainer, a sleigh
pilot, and a world traveler. But did you
know he is also a poet?

From there, we are invited to peek at Santa's haiku diary, where, from December 1st to December 25th, he records his personal reflections of the season. Any expectations of a larger than life Santa Claus swiftly melt away.  Instead we find a gentle and caring man with his family by his side: a loving wife, some pet reindeer, hardworking elves; holiday preparations and household chores to tend to; and a frozen world that keeps him awestruck.

If you're looking for an unbridled frenzy of activity with consumeristic undertones, look elsewhere.  True to the haiku form, Bob's poetry (in Santa's voice) is calm, soothing, and insightful. Its focus is on the heart and wonder of the season.  Chuck Groenink's charming illustrations in muted colors have a folk art feel, adding to the sense of comfort that warms the reader like a steaming mug of hot cocoa.

And speaking of hot cocoa, this would be a good time to go grab some and curl up on the sofa with a blanket and furry friend if you have one.  Let's find out a bit more about Bob Raczka and Santa Clauses: Short Poems from the North Pole. As always, we'll start off with five favorites:

Our dog, Rufus

Favorite part of the holiday season:

I love walking my dog Rufus late at night, when it’s snowing, no one else is out, and I can actually hear the sound of snowflakes falling on the leftover leaves in the trees.

Favorite children’s book:

I’ll name two. The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg, which inspired me to start writing children’s books in the first place, and The Raft by Jim LaMarche, which makes me feel like a boy again.

Favorite sound:

I often wake up in the middle of the night, and if I’m lucky, I’ll hear the “who, who-who-whooo” of a horned owl who lives in my neighborhood. If I’m really lucky, I’ll hear a pair—one calling and the other answering.

View from our cabin in Maine

Favorite vacation spot:

The Thompson Cottages in New Harbor, Maine. Our family rents a cabin right on the ocean, where we clamber on the rocks during the day and listen to the waves and the bell buoys at night. We also use binoculars to watch the osprey family that lives in a nest at the top of a pine on a small island across the channel.

Favorite quote:

The poet Mary Oliver wrote this, and I love it:

“Instructions for living a life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”

Bob at 12 years old

What inspires you to write for children and what do you enjoy most about being a children's author?

Of course, other children’s books inspire me. When I see one that I like, it gets my creative juices flowing. I’m also motivated by the challenge of creating a book, or a type of book, that no one has ever done before. I don’t really write for children as much as I write for myself—though it’s probably a 12 year-old version of myself. I love playing with words, and I love the fact that I can write about whatever I want.   

Can you give us a peek inside your "writing zone" – when, where, and how do you do your best work? 

I don’t have what you would call a “routine”. I do most of my writing on a laptop. Sometimes I write in a favorite “glider” rocking chair in my bedroom. Sometimes I write on the train on my way to work (I have a writing job in advertising). Sometimes I write at the library. When I’m writing a poetry book, I read a lot of poems in the same form that I’m writing. Then I sit down whenever I have free time. Sometimes, I’m able to write three or four poems in one sitting. But most of the time, I’ll only come up with one or two. And sometimes, I won’t come up with any. I guess the only routine that I have is to rewrite until it feels right.

Besides writing children's poetry and picture books, you are a passionate proponent of art appreciation for children. Does your eye for the visual arts inform your writing? If so, how?

I’ve always liked making art, looking at art, and being creative. I’ve never understood why everybody doesn’t feel this way. I think many people are intimidated by art—just like many people are intimidated by poetry. So with both my art books and my poetry books, my goal is to make the subjects fun and accessible. Let’s face it, when you look at a piece of art or read a poem that you don’t understand, it’s much harder to enjoy it. I want to share the enjoyment that I get from art and poetry.

Besides accurate syllable counts, what challenges did you face in writing Santa Clauses? 

One challenge was to make it feel different from Guyku, my other book of haiku poetry. It was fun imagining myself as Santa, thinking about what he does to pass the time in such a remote place. When I realized that he was a nature lover, and that he had to do the same holiday chores I do (like untangling Christmas lights and keeping his sidewalk clear), the book was easier to write. To be honest, writing the book was less challenging than finding a publisher.

Would you be willing to share a favorite selection or two?

SANTA CLAUSES, text © Bob Raczka, illustration © Chuck Groenink

SANTA CLAUSES, text © Bob Raczka, illustration © Chuck Groenink (click on image to enlarge)

If you could have any job in Santa's workshop, what would it be? 

Definitely not a wrapping elf. I get tired of wrapping after about the third present! I used to love making model rockets and model planes when I was a boy, so maybe I’d be a good fit in the “Flying Toys” department.

What’s coming up next for you? 

My next book is called Presidential Misadventures: Poems that Poke Fun at the Man in Charge. It’s a collection of clerihews (funny four-line poems) about our presidents, and will be published in January of 2015. My next book after that is a collection of concrete poems titled Wet Cement, in which I introduce the idea of one-word concrete poems. (I guess I’m sort of a minimalist!) That will appear in 2016.

If you had all the world’s children in one room, what would you tell them? 

I would tell them to “follow your bliss”. In other words, find the thing that you enjoy doing more than anything else, and figure out a way to do it for the rest of your life. Life is too short to do what other people want you to do.

Finally, please tell us what you have chosen as this month’s ditty challenge.

I know Halloween is over, but I think it would be really cool to see if your blog readers could write a haiku from the point of view of their favorite Halloween monster. For example, what kind of a haiku would Dracula write? Or the Mummy? There’s Frankenstein, witches, ghosts, bats, spiders, zombies—the possibilities are endless!

Here are three tips:

• A haiku has 3 lines, with 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the second, and 5 syllables in the third.

• A haiku is always written in the present tense.

• Try to include a funny twist or comparison.

Ooh, this sounds fiendishly fun!  I can think of several readers who will eat this challenge up... you know, crunchy on the outside, chewy center? Yeah, like that. 

By the way, I checked with Bob, and for those of you who are experienced modern haiku poets, feel free to forgo the 5/7/5 requirement.

Throughout the month, send your monster-inspired haiku to TodaysLittleDitty (at) gmail (dot) com or use the contact form in the sidebar to the right. For children under 13 who would like to participate, please read my COPPA compliance statement located below the contact form. 

Some contributions may be published on the blog as daily ditties, but all of them will be collected in a wrap-up post on Friday, November 28, 2014 – the day after Thanksgiving.  I expect by then I will be giving thanks that I survived. Really. How creeped out can one get over 17 syllables? (I'm afraid to find out!)

Seriously though, thank you, Bob, for hanging out with us this month, sparking our creativity, AND for generously offering a personalized copy of Santa Clauses: Short Poems from the North Pole to one lucky participant!

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Thanks also to everyone who participated in last month's ditty challenge, brought to us by J. Patrick Lewis.  The turnout and the zenos were spectacular!

Random.org has determined that the winner of EVERYTHING IS A POEM: The Best of J. Patrick Lewis with illustrations by Maria Cristina Pritelli is: 

CATHERINE JOHNSON – congratulations Catherine!

Please join another one of my favorite haiku poets, Diane Mayr, for today's Poetry Friday roundup over at Random Noodling.

Two Line Tuesday: Arthur O'Shaughnessy

We are the music makers...

"Music" by ilona-veresk on deviantart.com

  

and we are the dreamers of dreams.

 – Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy