Monday, October 28, 2019

DMC: "Bigfoot's Lament" by M. H. Barnes

Screen capture from the famous 1967 Patterson-Gimlin footage.*


Before you start assessing the fear that I'm repressing,
there’s something we should lay out on the table—
     call me Sasquatch, call me Yeti,
     but Bigfoot's much too petty.
I’m REAL, not merely legend, lore, or fable.

Partly human, partly beast, oversized to say the least,
you ridicule or hound me as you choose.
     Of course I’m camera shy—
     I’m an introverted guy!
I’d like to see YOU wear my “monster” shoes.

Being shaggy and unkempt is no reason for contempt,
so let me make this absolutely clear—
     it’s not your bully tactics,
     your guns or camo jackets,
that cause me to degenerate in fear.

When it comes to diagnosis of my number one neurosis,
there is nothing that can possibly compare
     to my dread of soapy lather
     and the constant drone of blather
I’m subjected to when in the barber’s chair.

© 2019 Michelle Heidenrich Barnes. All rights reserved.

* Click HERE for "The 10 Most Convincing Bigfoot Sightings".

TLD reader Rebecca Herzog has challenged us to write a poem about something a monster is afraid of. Read my interview with Becky HERE and add your poem about a monster fear to the padlet. While some contributions will be featured as daily ditties leading up to Halloween, you can check out our entire monster menagerie HERE.


  1. I laughed out loud at the end. This is so great!

  2. Ah, poor Bigfoot! Brava, Michelle--I feel like you gave us four ditties for the price of one!

  3. Love the internal rhyme in the first lines!

  4. Such a strong voice, Michelle. I can imagine the "shouting"! Love your creative rhyming!

  5. Thanks everyone! And especially to Becky who got me writing again... I didn't realize how much I was missing it.

  6. Love your lamenting lather-fearing monster poem Michelle, and all you are dishing up for us this week! Happy Halloween!